The Holding Changes

“The holding just changes,” I heard God clearly whisper. As I continued walking, scenes of two decades of motherhood flooded my mind, and God’s peace flooded my heart.

I, like so many of my friends right now, am in a season of great change and transition! With a kid leaving for college this week and another getting a new last name this fall, I’m definitely in a “changing of the guard” season.

I walk most mornings, and it’s a sacred time for me. This is my prayer time, and it’s also where God gets my attention. In the hustle and bustle of this crazy life, it’s often the only time He can grab my face in His hands and get me to listen to what HE wants me to hear.

There’s a brief explanation. Now back to this morning’s life-changing revelation. As I walked, I began to see how many amazing transitions have taken place over the years. God showed me different “holding patterns” and how He had perfectly designed each one to help parents prepare children for the moments so many of us are currently standing in.

  • ALL-ENCOMPASSING: The Womb This is where it all began–the first way we “held” our children. Deep within us, they were protected, fed, comforted, and nourished. We didn’t really DO anything. Oh, we watched what we ate, took our vitamins, and visited our doctor, but God designed mamas to grow babies, and that’s what we did.
  • HEAD TO TOE: Our Arms Our babies’ birth was the first holding change. Now out in this great big world, our babies became a 24/7 responsibility! No longer tucked within our bodies, we ensured that they were safe in our arms–their head nestled in the crook of one arm, and their precious, tiny, perfect feet in the other. Here we taught them what love looked like! We gazed into their eyes as we fed, rocked, jostled, sang to, and comforted them. Still completely helpless and unable to provide for any of their needs, we met each one head-on.
  • BELOW AND BEHIND: Laps and Hands As they grew, the holding changed again. They sat on our lap, and we supported their backs. They could sit up if we supported them. We strategically placed blankets and pillows to keep them safe while encouraging these new skills. We taught them to hold toys, hold their pacifier, and shake rattles. It’s still time-consuming and labor-intensive, but we were beginning the letting-go process, even then.
  • FROM THE SIDES: Two Hands Another proactive, intentional step takes place. We know walking is right and normal, and so the training begins. First we hold their torso to support them while physically moving their body so each foot moves forward. Back and forth we go. Then, after a little practice, our hands took theirs. We held their tiny hands in ours and showed them how to walk. We were fully aware there would be bumps and bruises along the way, and that made us sad, but we pushed forward. We helped them learn and comforted them when they fell.
  • LETTING GO: Fingers As they learned to walk, they needed us less. We let go with one hand and held on with the other. Then they no longer needed our whole hand, but they did need two fingers, then one, for support and steadiness. We provided for needs while teaching them to push buttons on toys, eat string cheese and Cheerios with their fingers instead of ours, and learn to stand and walk. We watched with baited breath as they took one step, then another, and clapped like maniacs each time they broke a step record.
  • SUPPORT STAFF: Hands at the Ready They no longer need us touching them most of the time to keep them safe, yet we’re ever vigilant. They’re learning to do things on their own, maybe heading off to preschool or Kindergarten, but our hands are still involved. We cut their meat, wipe their noses (and other things), apply sunscreen, put band-aids on boo-boos, and teach them to ride things. Encouraging independence, yet never far away.
  • THE HOIST: Pushed from Beneath This phase takes me back to my childhood horseback riding days. “Too short in the chute” to get on by myself, my dad would cup his hands together, one under the other. I stepped into his hands with my left foot and he lifted me high enough to put my right foot in the stirrup, swing my left foot over the saddle, and sit down. This is the exposure season of childhood. We push them to explore new experiences (dance, gymnastics, various sports,art, musical instruments) so they (and we) can learn what makes them tick. We pay for lessons, buy instruments and craft supplies, play taxi driver to practices and games, etc., all in the name of pushing them to new heights.
  • THE RELEASE: Turning them Loose from a Firm Foundation The picture God gave me of this step is that of turning loose a tender butterfly or firefly. You don’t have to throw it. It wants to fly. You simply open your hand and release it from the safety of you, out into the world. This giant leap of parenting faith (I’m right in the thick of this, x2, right now!) is hard but gentle. This is where it all culminates! Throughout their childhood, we have built roots beneath them. Now is when we whisper a prayer of faith and entrusting, open our hands, and let them soar!

It helped me SO MUCH to see these phases so vividly! It helps to know I’m not alone. It helps to know God has been in the midst of each step. He designed these steps that we might train our children in the fear of the Lord, that when they are old they wouldn’t depart from it. Yes, no matter at which of these phases you find yourself (from pregnant mama to empty nester), rest assured dear friend, you have been chosen for just such a time as this.

This entry is dedicated to all my mama friends who are doing any sort of letting go in this season. Each baby step of letting go is part of the grand scheme of things, and it is sacred and important work. Whether you’re preparing for the birth of your first baby or launching your final chick from the nest, be encouraged. Lean on God. He is right beside you and ahead of you. Pray and trust and take the next step. Now, I’d better get back to folding clothes so we can finish packing this kid for college!