As a new mom, I was baffled by how many times people said, “Oh, honey, every baby does thaaaat!” If there are things about babies, motherhood, etc. that are universal, or at least “more often than not,” somebody needs to be telling new mamas what they are! So, that has become one of my missions in life…sharing those nuggets before or while you need them, instead of after!
We focused on spiritual pointers for new mamas. Today, let’s talk about the nitty-gritty, day in and day out facets of motherhood. In today’s terms, I suppose we could call this…
8 Life Hacks New Mamas Need!
- The Heating Pad! Yes, I’m serious! Most new moms don’t know this trick, but it was a lifesaver at our house! Our first daughter was born 3 weeks early, during air conditioner season. We discovered she was often cold which greatly impacted her ability to sleep in her own space, NOT on me! Enter my mom’s wisdom! Right before you feed baby in anticipation of a nap or bedtime, put a heating pad in their bed, and place their blanket over it. Turn it on low and go feed baby. (It CAN be placed on high for a minute or so, if you forget to turn it on ahead of time. Trust me. I know!) When baby is fed and asleep, pull the blanket back and remove the heating pad. Put baby in the nice warm spot and cover with warm blanket. Be sure to turn it off when you take it out. It’s miraculous at keeping them asleep! One of my very favorite tips!
- Let Sleeping Darlings Sleep! Everybody has an opinion about sleeping babies. Here is one of mine. Don’t wake them in the middle of the night to eat! If they’re hungry, they’ll let you know. And contrary to every new mama’s fear, you WILL hear that baby when he wakes up hungry! There are obviously medical exclusions to this pointer. If your doctor tells you to feed every three hours around the clock, do so! My rationale is this: If your ultimate desire is sleeping through the night, you contradict and hinder your goal by waking them up to eat. I did wake babies during the day, about every 3 hours, but not during the night.
- Sleep when Baby Sleeps! I remember the early days with our first daughter. I’d wake in the night, look at the clock, and think, “It’s almost time for her to wake up to eat.” So, I’d lay there, listening. Ninety minutes later, I was still listening, and she was still sleeping, and I had missed out on 90 precious minutes of sleep! With our second daughter, I was intentional about rolling over and going back to sleep instead of laying there wondering when she would wake up! Sometimes, I’d get an extra 10 minutes. Sometimes, I got two more hours, but it definitely helped me get more sleep!
- Co-sleeping: Consider Carefully! This is a touchy subject, so I will approach it gently: It’s easier not to start it than it is to stop it later! This is one area that was never up for discussion at our house. My husband said he would “share our bed for the first nine months,” as in, pregnancy! We had a twin bed for rough nights with our first daughter. Occasionally, on a really rough night, my husband went to the couch, but we never made co-sleeping a habit. It’s a personal choice in every household, and each family has to decide. I just know the horror stories I’ve heard about the difficulty of transitioning the baby to their own bed after they’ve spent years safely tucked between their parents. So, that’s my two cents on that one.
- Breastfeeding Basics! Babies are weird! I have several pages of notes on this topic, but I’ll give you the bullet points. Yes, they’re getting enough to eat! As long as they are peeing and gaining weight, they’re fine! Unless your doctor says he needs to know how many ounces they’re getting, you do not need to pump then feed so you can know. As I mentioned in #2, if they’re hungry, they will tell you. Don’t let those who don’t understand breastfeeding undermine your confidence! Seek out lactation consultants, LaLeche League consultants, and veteran mamas for support, NOT people who don’t understand! Try different positions such as lying down, football hold, etc. I had one baby who would only nurse in the football hold! Pump when you can, but don’t let it become your master. Buy a good pump, or rent one. I promise you will regret it every single time you pump if you get a cheap one! Resist advice to pump and bottle feed. The extra work, time involved, and the difference to your supply between a baby and a machine, is often a death sentence to breastfeeding! If you notice your milk supply is low, up your water intake and add extra feedings for a couple of days. You may or may not feel your milk let down…and that’s okay. I only felt it with one child out of three! Baby may prefer one side over the other. Once we were well established with nursing and staying awake through feedings, I always started on the less-preferred side to get it over with. Washable bra pads are better than disposable ones. To remember which side baby last nursed, put a safety pin on your bra strap. Carry an extra shirt and pads in your diaper bag. Nobody wants you to have milk spots on your shirt at Wal-Mart!
- Be the Mom! This one was tricky for me. Everybody, including people who have never had children, seems to have strong opinions about parenting…and they all “know” that their opinion is right. The only parents who get to parent YOUR child are your child’s parents! That’s you! Research. Ask questions of your child’s doctor, veteran parents, etc. Pray about situations you face, and make a decision. Ultimately, the decision about how you parent is yours. Take opinions into consideration, and walk boldly forward. Don’t be afraid to do things differently. I had a hard time with this one, especially when the “other opinions” were from my mom or my husband’s mom. Worrying too much about other people’s opinions robs you of some of the joy of parenting. Use what works for you and your child. Ignore the rest and move on, guilt-free. Some decisions in parenting are solely based on opinions but have no true right or wrong answers. Just decide and walk!
- Voice your Concerns and Needs When Necessary! This is similar to #5, but it gives you permission to make your needs and desires known. If you need someone to help you so you can take a nap or run an errand, you have to ask. If someone who recently had a cold wants to visit, it’s ok for you to deny that visit. If a visitor needs to leave because you slept two hours last night and need a nap, it’s ok to tell them. If you want visitors to wash hands before they touch your baby, tell them so. If baby needs to be not held because they’ve been held too much, today, it’s okay for you to ask that they not be held. They DO get sore from being held too much. An old T-shirt used to say, “Because I’m the mom, that’s why!” That, in itself, is enough! Make a decision, guilt-free!
- Trust Your Gut! I call this your “mom heart.” It’s that part of you that would die (or kill) for your child. It’s that part of you that alerts you to danger, etc. for them. In the early days, you and your child are still learning each other. Needs are often difficult to pinpoint, but sometimes you just know “something isn’t right.” With our second daughter, when her skin suddenly became rash-y and itchy, I knew we were likely dealing with food sensitivities. Despite her doctor’s assurance that “it’s nothing you’re putting in her, Mom. It’s just your genes” (I, too, have skin issues), I changed her diet, and her skin improved immediately. He was wrong, and I was right! It still makes me mad, 16 years later, when I think about it! With another daughter, I pushed the neurologist to do further testing. Despite his confidence (I trusted this doctor WAY more that the one above!) that we likely wouldn’t find much of concern, he agreed to further testing. Those tests revealed three significant brain malformations! Trust your gut! God gave it to you for a reason!
Every veteran mom has opinions and experiences, and every new mom has fears, doubts, questions, and concerns. Pair up with a mama who has more experience. We are more than happy to share what we know! We might even overwhelm you at times, but we all remember that “new mama” phase. Relax. Do your best. Be a student of your baby. Give yourself lots of grace. You might be new to mothering, but they’re new to baby-ing, so you will learn together, as it should be! Be flexible. What worked today may not work tomorrow…but it might work again next week. When you solve one problem or situation, another one (or two) will pop up. Just relax and carry on! You’ve got this, Mom!